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Wednesday
Sep062006

I Am Not Afraid of You and I Will Beat Your Ass

The title of Yo La Tengo's new album gets me in the mood for fantasy football. Yep, I am a pathetic geek who plays fantasy football. It's 15 minutes once a week, and it's only for bragging rights. And I refuse to actually pay attention to or care about any player on a team that's not the Carolina Panthers.

Still, it's a great excuse to talk smack. Here's my starting lineup for Sunday's season opener:

  • QB - M. Hasselbeck
  • WR - S. Smith
  • WR - R. Wayne
  • WR - Ro. Williams
  • RB - L. Johnson
  • RB - B. Westbrook
  • TE - A. Crumpler
  • K - M. Vanderjagt
  • DEF - New York

Sadly, I'm not very familiar with these players - especially the wide receivers - except for Steve Smith, who may not play because he has a hangnail. Larry Johnson? Isn't that Grandmama? Apparently not. And it pains me to have an Atlanta Falcon on my team.

That won't stop me from bringing a full-on beatdown to the rest of those feeble, miserable, puny, worthless has-beens in my league. Unless I get whipped by one of them.

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